


The Butterfly & The Flower 【蝶戀花】

by ejqz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mythology, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Love at First Sight, Reincarnation, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 05:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ejqz/pseuds/ejqz
Summary: "You speak like an immortal, Keiji.""Do you...know Keiji?"Akaashi made a vow that would transcend time and fate.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	The Butterfly & The Flower 【蝶戀花】

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the hqhq server collab, the theme this time is Mythology! I've been very excited to share this piece. Thank you to my betas for all your help!

Akaashi landed on a boulder and fluttered his wings. In the form of a butterfly, he had seen rivers form and mountains move. He witnessed languages being created and civilizations fall to ruin. For five hundred years, Akaashi flew about and rested alone. The only tethers of hope he carried were the most cherished memories he carefully kept safe. He wasn’t always a butterfly; at some point in his existence, he was a mortal. Finally, at the end of a seeming eternity, Akaashi closed his wings and laid to rest. After a trial of five hundred years, one last feat remained.

Stories of the Underworld varied. Some said it was just endless desert sand or dark, rocky paths. Contrary to the stories, the Underworld was much like the earthly realm, filled with streets and shops, only for the inhabitants of the netherworld. There was also a lot of bureaucracy, paperwork, and a lengthy queue.

Akaashi followed the procession of souls awaiting their passage across the Bridge of Helplessness. The River flowing beneath had waves akin to the tormented wails of regrets. Each soul had to make a stop by one of the teahouse taverns lining the banks of the river—a checkpoint before entering the Wheel of Reincarnation for their next life. All the souls here were deemed eligible for reincarnation. They either had no mortal sins to begin with or they had already atoned for them in the other circles of Hell.

None of these establishments were the ones Akaashi was looking for. He wandered past countless many until he arrived at a pavilion. The red paint on the pillars was peeled and chipped like on most ancient structures. A masked figure kneeled on a mat at the center. 

He found you.

“Enter and please sit,” you said, gesturing to the empty mat in front of you. Akaashi obliged and sat down. 

He watched your hands, peeking out from the edges of the long silken robes, pick out a teacup and set it down on the table with a quiet clink. You then took a teapot from the clay brazier and filled the cup with tea. Each movement was fluid, as if the teapot was an extension of your arm. _How many times have you repeated this movement?_

“After the judgment and any atonement of sin, let bygones be bygones. Forget it all, and then be renewed once again. One sip is all it takes to start over.”

Akaashi picked up the cup and studied the entrancing liquid. _So this is the Tea of Eternal Amnesia._

“Are you waiting for someone?” you asked, noticing he had no intention of drinking the tea.

Akaashi tried to peer at your appearance covered by the mask. A vicious painted expression stared back at him, but it did not unnerve him at all. Be it one hundred years, five hundred, or another one thousand…Whether or not you had the same appearance, Akaashi promised you he would always remember and find you. It was a vow.

He gently set the teacup back down. “Perhaps.”

“Look there,” you instructed, pointing towards the wandering souls loitering by the shore. “Those spirits are all waiting for someone. Maybe their intended is suffering punishment. Maybe their time hasn’t come yet, or perhaps the intended arrived and passed the bridge first before them.”

“Were there ever…”

“None. By ways of fate or lack of patience, I do not know. But I have never seen any souls reunite at this bridge—not in the years I’ve been appointed here. At some point, they come asking for the tea or end up as vengeful ghosts.”

Akaashi didn’t respond.

“You… You’re not quite like them,” you puzzled, eyeing Akaashi up and down. “Your soul registers to me as mortal, but you’ve been wandering for much too long for a human lifespan.”

“Five hundred years.”

“Then either you were cursed or you have a trial in order to ascend to immortality. But since you’re here, you must have been cursed.” You sighed before continuing, “No heavenly being would come here without a reason. Five hundred years of burdening memories, don’t you think you’ve had enough already? Isn’t it better to forget and move on?”

“Aren’t there memories worth keeping no matter the cost?”

You briefly laughed, amused by his counterpoint. “I was told I drank this tea too before I assumed this position. Of course, I wouldn’t remember drinking it in the first place—that memory was wiped clean. I feel pleasantly nothing.”

“Do you feel joy?”

“Joy?” you scoffed. “That’s a human emotion.”

“Yet you fiddle your fingers,” Akaashi challenged, pointing at the way your fingers intertwined together in the silk folds of your robe. “That’s a very human habit, don’t you think?”

“You speak like an immortal, Keiji,” you huffed, quickly letting go of the fabric as if your hand burned. That wasn’t your natural habit, so why?

Akaashi’s eyes flickered. “Do you…know Keiji?”

“Who’s…Keiji?" 

You felt like you’ve heard the name before. You weren’t sure how it snuck out you in the first place. The sound was comforting and familiar, and the sense of security made you nervous. So, you quickly diverted your attention to a sachet strung from Akaashi’s belt.

"The silk is torn and the petals are no doubt in ashes, yet you still wear it proudly.”

Akaashi brushed over the object of curiosity and admired the tattered embroidery.

“Yes. It’s something of great importance to me, from someone I made a vow to.”

“And this person is one you aren’t willing to forget?”

“Precisely. She is my dearest.”

Even with a mask, you could feel Akaashi’s gaze pierce through and lock with yours.

“Could you tell me about her, then?”

“Yes.”

You were warned of the fickleness of mortals. 

The other immortals told you humans loved and hated on whims, and said false words. But there’s something about them, a certain humanness that you found intriguing. You found that many humans were sentimental; they were honest, hardworking and simple. Many also wrote poetry, created music, and gave meaning to trivial things that were not profound at all, such as flowers.

To answer your curiosities, when the others were not looking, you would ride on a lofty cloud to the mortal realm and observe these peculiar humans that looked very much like immortals, but had no divine auras. Some days you were a cat, other days a butterfly, but still you loved blending in following the fashions of the time.

Today, you strolled along stone-paved paths of the town, with bells jingling around your ankles. On your index finger, you twirled a fragrant silk sachet containing flower petals from the Queen Mother of the West’s gardens. It was said that the scent had healing properties and would ease the mind.

It was such an exciting day for this busy street, with vendors calling out slogans for their goods. For almost any good imaginable, there was a shop. You passed by the vendors selling hairpins, clay masks, and bolts of bright fabrics; skipped past the large steamers containing fresh buns, and the noodle makers putting on a show. You also laughed your heart out, baffled by the teahouse storytellers telling inaccurate tales of immortal heroes and dubious gossips of the inner palace.

 _Oof._ You fell back after bumping into someone. You quickly caught your balance and prepared to give the person a piece of your mind. “H-hey-”

“Apologies, Miss. Please pardon me,” a polite voice rang out, putting an immediate halt to the angry thoughts in your head.

The young man greeted you with a formal bow and you found yourself reciprocating the rites. Then, he raised his head, and you saw him in detail. It wasn’t a stretch to mistaken the man in front of you as another immortal with the tranquil regality he exuded. That was even without mentioning his visual appearance. His features were defined yet gentle, and his expression was comforting and above all else, familiar.

“Miss, the sachet that was dropped,” Akaashi said, presenting the silk object out to you.

You were still lost in your thoughts.

“Miss?”

“Hey Akaashi!” A loud voice cut into your daydream and finally brought your senses back. “Come try these steamed buns, they’re so fluffy!”

“Bokuto, I’ll be right there,” Akaashi responded. When he turned his attention back to you, he realized you were gone already. With a crowd of this size, it was already too difficult to find you.

Akaashi ran a thumb over the silk pouch that was left from this chance-encounter. The intricate embroidering on the silk meant this was a very delicate and expensive handicraft. And the unique fragrance, unlike anything he smelled before, was not something a typical household could get a hold of. If you were of aristocracy, then why were you alone?

“Hey, Akaashi, what you got there in your hands?” Bokuto asked, mouth full of steamed buns and his hands holding two more.

Kuroo whistled and slung an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder. “Our bookworm’s smitten by a lady!” he teased, before reaching for the sachet to get a closer look.

Akaashi shoved Kuroo off from his shoulders and quickly shoved the sachet into his sleeve, away from his friends’ prying gazes.

“Don’t touch something that’s not yours.”

“Akaashi Keji! It’s not yours either! Unless…” Kuroo nudged Bokuto expectantly.

“You’re deciding to keep it for yourself!” Bokuto finished after gulping the last bits of his snack down.

Akaashi didn’t bother responding and briskly walked back towards the direction of the academy. His two friends tailed behind him closely, still making up misrendered tales. 

Meanwhile, high up on the roof of the pavilion tower, you smiled and whispered to yourself, "So, his full name is Akaashi Keiji.“

The lecture from the master went in one ear and out the other. Akaashi didn’t even notice that a splotch of ink had dripped from his brush onto the paper. His mind wandered to the sachet tucked in his sleeve.

The calm, fresh fragrance of the sachet reminded him of your disappearing steps and flowing robes, while the wind chimes that hung from the beams of the window frame reminded him of the jingles around your hidden ankles. He could almost picture that bright, charming expression of yours that poetry could not even begin to describe. Exquisite, but comforting and familiar.

"Akaashi. Akaashi,” the master called out, striking a bamboo stick against the table. “I did not take you to be a slacker either. The exams are around the corner, you know.”

Akaashi quickly apologized and shot a look towards Bokuto and Kuroo, huddled on the other side of the lecture room unsuccessful at hiding their amusement and mockery.

“Kuroo. Bokuto. Stand and read the passage.”

With a grumble, Bokuto and Kuroo stood from their seats and began reading out loud. Then, the class fell back into its habitual routine.

In the subsequent days and weeks, Akaashi made it a habit of his to carry the sachet with him nearly everywhere. It was on his nightstand while he rested and accompanied him while he poured over the books of classics. Whenever he became lost in his thoughts, he found himself mindlessly fiddling with the embroidered threads and colored tassels. He reasoned that there was a chance, however slight, he could run into you again. He would return the object back to you and have a chance to ask for your name. However, the more time passed, Akaashi grew less and less confident that he would find the sachet’s owner.

“If only the first glance could last forever,” he mumbled by the window of his study. He really ought to forget the one-time encounter by losing himself in the books.

“Seems like you’ve taken a liking to the sachet, Scholar.”

Akaashi jolted in his seat when he saw you suddenly appear at his window. He blinked, making sure it wasn’t a hallucination and checked his surroundings to see if anyone else heard in the vicinity.

“How did you…” _Find me_ , Akaashi wanted to ask.

“I must be under a rock to not know the son of the Akaashi manor. Talented, gentlemanly, not to mention good-looking. I must say, marketplace rumors aren’t false for once.”

Akaashi was stunned, baffled at how you seemed to show up right when he missed you most.

“The sachet.”

“Oh,” Akaashi hurriedly took it out from his sleeves to offer it back.

“Keep it.”

Akaashi swallowed. For a young lady to offer such a personal item to another, well according to the rites that would mean…But at the same time, he probably shouldn’t have been carrying such a private item of another everywhere…No, it was because-

“Akaashi!” Bokuto yelled out from down the hall. “Still in the study? Come on, let’s go to the stables, I’m dying to go have some fun!”

Akaashi could hear their hurried footsteps storming closer. _If they come, they’ll see her, and I don’t want to even think of how to explain myself._

“I just wanted to come and say hello,” you said, sensing Akaashi’s nervousness. “Then, I shall take my leave.”

“Wait!” Akaashi blurted out. “Miss, might I ask for your name?”

“If you meet me at the garden on the outskirts in three days at noon, then maybe.”

Bokuto and Kuroo’s footsteps were just outside the room. You quickly weighed your options, made up your mind, and then performed your disappearing act when the door began to slide open.

Kuroo entered the room and sneezed as he waved his arm around. “Your room smells like _flowers_!”

Akaashi remained frozen in his seat, face flushed and hot.

“Hey, Akaashi! What’s with you? Let’s go already!” Bokuto insisted. “Wow, it really does smell like flowers in here, what did you do?”

Akaashi recomposed himself and made sure his sachet was tucked into his sleeve.

“Certain magic,” he said with a smile, lightly touching the tip of his nose where you had snuck a kiss.

Akaashi could not sleep for the next two nights. Initially, Bokuto and Kuroo wanted him to go with them to try a new teahouse that had opened. He hated lying to his friends, but the excuse “I need to study” worked miracles. Akaashi slipped past crowds to the outskirts of the city wall. The garden was supposed to be long abandoned, wild and ungrown. What could you possibly want by suggesting meeting him there?

He was the first one to arrive and to his surprise, the pavilion seemed to be restored to its former glory. The red paint on the pillars looked new and bright, and a setting for tea was placed in the middle. Akaashi paced around the pavilion, wondering if you would actually show up. _Three days later at noon, I didn’t get the time wrong, did I?_ Akaashi took a seat on one of the mats and pulled out a book he was supposed to be studying. At least if someone questioned him later, he really did “study”. Akaashi tried to keep busy, but his mind wandered.

“Akaashi, you’re here.”

Akaashi fumbled to put his book away and stood up to greet you. You always had a knack for popping up sporadically and unexpectedly.

“Miss, I thought you weren’t going to come…And, you can call me Keiji, if you would please.”

It was a daring step for him and he wasn’t sure if you’d accept this advancement.

“Alright, I’ll do that. And did you think I was going to miss this opportunity? I invited you out!” You took a seat adjacent to him and saw the books half-shoved into his bag. “What were you studying?”

Akaashi pulled the books out to show you.“Um, the works and philosophy of Zhuangzi.” His throat was parched. Were you going to think of him as a bookworm and unworthy of your time?

You poured yourself and Akaashi a cup of tea. “Tell me about it,” you urged, genuinely interested in what he had to say.

Once given the opportunity to talk about books, Akaashi felt like a fish in water. You noticed the way his eyes lit up as he spoke. He conversed with ease, telling you about the remarkable ways the text was written. He pointed out areas he disagreed with and mentioned contemporary discourses. All the while, you fell into a dreamy state listening to his voice. Akaashi’s voice was soothing, full of clarity and depth.

“And then Zhuangzi fell asleep and dreamt that he became a butterfly. As a butterfly, he flew about without worries and forgot that he was Zhuangzi. But when Zhuangzi woke up and felt his solid body, he wasn’t sure if he was Zhuangzi who dreamt of becoming a butterfly or if he was a butterfly dreaming he became Zhuangzi.”

“That’s an interesting paradox,” you said thoughtfully.

“If both dreaming and waking feel real, who knows what is really _real_?”

You laughed and filled Akaashi’s teacup again. "You speak like an immortal, Keiji.”

Akaashi became flustered and tried to hide his burning face behind his sleeves as he took a sip of tea. He was worried for nothing, it seemed, after hearing you laugh; it was a beautiful sound and Akaashi felt his heart beat like a drum.

One meeting became two and two multiplied to four and then eight and many more. Each time Akaashi arrived with anticipation and left longing for more. The days in between were left for dreaming and pining. Some days, you arrived first. Other times, Akaashi waited for you.

Once, the two of you went horseback riding and traveled across empty grass fields chasing the sun. Another time, you taught him all you knew about flowers and shared with him stories about the immortals that you “heard from the marketplace”. And the night of the Lantern Festival, beneath the golden lights, the two of you shared a kiss.

Akaashi never pressed questions about your family or where you ran off to each time. He had asked for your name, and you carefully gave him a pseudonym, _Hua_. Flower. However, you wanted to tell Akaashi your real name. You desperately wanted to hear him whisper it in your ear the same way you whispered “Keiji” in his. You wanted to try new culinary creations with him and watch the new productions of stage plays at the teahouse; count the stars together, and share a pillow next to smothered candles.

You consulted some of the immortals about your feelings, but it was mostly out of courtesy. Regardless of what they said, you knew you made your choice already.

“A union between an immortal and human goes against the laws of the universe.”

You tried to appeal. “But there are records of-”

“And look what happened to them. Tragedy.”

“Humans can become immortal though.”

“Who’s to say that young man qualifies?”

“Can I be a mortal?”

“That is impossible.”

“Then why is it possible for me to fall in love with him in the first place?” you cried, exasperated with the lack of answers. “If it wasn’t meant to be, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel the happiest with him?”

“Leave him while you still can.”

“It’s too late,” you said, feeling the ache in your heart from just thinking of him. “I feel bound already. I’ll tell him my real name.”

"Don’t.”

After the lessons of the day, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Bokuto sat at a teahouse for refreshment and snacks.

“It’s getting lively in town,” Kuroo remarked, looking out the window.

“It’s always like this close to the exams, isn’t it?” Bokuto shrugged, before asking Akaashi, “We haven’t seen you around much. Busy studying?”

Akaashi’s body was at the teahouse, but his mind was on you.

“Hey, Akaashi.”

Akaashi was called back by Kuroo and Bokuto. He turned to his two friends and declared, “I want to profess my feelings and ask for her hand.”

Bokuto choked on the pastry he was eating, “W-WHAT? That girl you’ve been meeting for the past few months?”

Akaashi nodded.

Bokuto gulped the tea down and swallowed. He gave Akaashi an affirming grin. “Do it, bro, I support you.”

“I want to support you too, but,” Kuroo frowned as he searched for the right words, “Do you even know what family she’s from? _Hua_ doesn’t exist in this city.”

Akaashi thought about how to best answer Kuroo’s questions. They were sharp and objective, but only out of a place of concern. “About her name, I’m sure she has her reasons. She’ll tell me when she’s ready. I still need to hear her thoughts first. If she is willing to accept me, then…I’ll aim to get first place at the exam. The first place is allowed one promise from the Son of Heaven.”

“You got this Akaashi! We all know you have a clear shot for that spot!”

“Bokuto’s right. I hope it works out.”

Bokuto and Kuroo soon turned their attention to the novelties happening on the main street—a troupe of acrobatic performers made their way down. Akaashi sipped his tea and nibbled on the snacks, wondering if he would have the courage to tell you everything at the next meeting. It would be the last meeting he could afford before the exams. There was still much he had to study. It was funny, how he has to leave you to study, in order to be with you in the long run. Regardless, he vowed that would do his best.

Akaashi hurried to the pavilion repeating the lines he had come up with. _Don’t let me make a fool out of myself_ , he prayed. You were already waiting for him at the pavilion. When you heard his footsteps, you darted across the stone paths to meet him, hands outstretched.

“Keiji!”

He held your hands in his. “I’m here, did you wait long?”

You shook your head. “Not at all. I missed you, you’ve been so busy lately. Come on, I brought a new tea today.”

You gently tugged on Akaashi’s hand for him to follow you, but Akaashi did not budge from his spot.

“I need to say this now, before anything else,” Akaashi said, bringing your hands up close to his chest as his hands covered yours securely.

The serious look on his face as you looked up at him sewed concern in your heart, and worry pulled inside your chest as you waited for his words. He squeezed your hand before spilling his heart to you.

“I have harbored deep feelings for you from the moment we first met and every meeting thereafter. The times we have together make me feel like the happiest and luckiest. When we are apart, you are always in my thoughts and I would wonder if I am in yours. So, while I still have this surge of courage in me, I want to make my feelings and intentions known to you. I hope we can have a lifetime together to share. Will you accept me?”

You couldn’t believe your ears as jolts of joy sparked throughout your body, drawing the corner of your lips up into a smile. You were told that humans were fickle and many told lies, but you knew that Akaashi has only shown you sincerity and honesty. This wasn’t an exception either.

“Keiji…I…”

“You don’t have to give me an answer right away,” Akaashi said, letting go of your hand. He worried that you would feel the nervous shake of his fingers. “I hope this wasn’t too suddenly sprung on you.”

“Not that. I’m happy, truly. This makes me so delighted you don’t even know. But…let’s go sit first, I have some things to say too.”

You and Akaashi sat down on the mats again. Like the countless other meetings that the two of you held here, you took the teapot off the brazier and poured two cups of tea. Akaashi carefully watched you over the rim of his cup. After he finished the first sip, you took a deep breath.

“I’m…not quite mortal,” you said quietly, unwilling to look at Akaashi’s expression. You looked away and closed your eyes, waiting for the barrage of questions and for tragedy.

Akaashi chuckled. “I figured you might have been something else. It was just a thought, I didn’t realize it was true.”

 _So he knew?_ You stared at him expectantly. “That I’m not human? How did you know?”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow. “It’s not too hard when you appear and disappear like a whirlwind. I had a feeling Hua was a pseudonym. Then there were things like the pavilion fixing itself, your knowledge of flowers, and the stories you told, which were quite different from marketplace gossip.”

“I thought I was subtle,” you muttered.

 _More like the complete opposite._ Akaashi laughed but quickly stopped when you flashed him a look.

You bit your lip and cautiously asked, “So now you know, would you change your thoughts on me?”

“No,” Akaashi stated firmly. “I’ve spent more time with you to know your true character and personality. It doesn’t matter to me what you are, demon or beast, or where your past has taken you. I don’t deny that I’m curious and I yearn to know your name and more, but I’ll wait. Wait until you are ready.”

 _He’s the one,_ you decided. _No doubt about it, he’s the one I want._

“Lend me your ear,” you said softly and leaned towards him. 

Akaashi leaned closer and you cupped his ear to whisper a few syllables only he could hear.

“That’s my true name. I’m a fairy of summer flowers, one of many in the Nine Heavens.”

You gave a shy smile when you saw Akaashi stare back at you dumbfounded.

“I told you my true name, Keiji. That means I have chosen you too.”

Akaashi tested out saying your true name. It was the first time in a long existence someone uttered your name in such a way—with so much care, dedication, and affection. It filled you with a warmth you hadn’t felt before.

You told Akaashi that you didn’t need human traditions. For immortals, sharing the true name was more than enough of a bond to bind the two. But Akaashi still insisted on completing his mortal proprieties. He said that he was still human and wanted to see the rites through, just as you did for him. To you, it didn’t matter if he took the exams or not, or how he would do. The genuine feelings between the two of you exceeded any rites in place. Still, Akaashi was stubborn in this way, and you relented, envisioning your fates intertwined in both the earthly and heavenly realms.

For the rest of the day, Akaashi poured over the books while you accompanied him, enjoying each other’s company. More often than not, you were convincing him to take necessary breaks. And when you were not doing that, you were admiring how beautiful Akaashi looked when he was focused. It was a sight to behold, and only for you.

Akaashi soon realized that you had your head down on the table and had dozed off. Akaashi admired your sleeping image with eyes filled with endearment. Your expression was so relaxed and a faint smile decorated your face. _Dearest, are you having a good dream?_ he wondered. Either way, it was a sight to behold, and only for him.

The position of the sun moved a few notches. A butterfly fluttered through the gardens weaving in and out of the flowers. It flew closer and closer until it landed on the edge of Akaashi’s book. Akaashi observed the small creature. The butterfly fanned its wings, and displayed its intricate wing patterns. Afraid of disturbing its rest, Akaashi held his breath and waited. A moment later, the butterfly took flight again, fluttering over towards your sleepy figure. It landed on your hair for a brief moment before it finally flew away.

The disturbance of the butterfly made Akaashi realize how late in the day it was. Akaashi softly called your name while brushing away a flower petal that had fallen on your face while you were asleep. Now that he finally knew your true name, it felt like the syllables meshed just perfectly and he finally found the lost words he had been looking for. It made him feel complete.

You stirred, opened your eyes, and smiled.“Keiji,” you yawned. “Oh, you should have woken me up sooner.”

Akaashi smiled lovingly at your lazy eyes, still clouded by sleep. “You looked too comfortable, I couldn’t.”

You rolled your neck and stretched your arms out to loosen tight muscles. Then, shifting your weight and balance, you promptly leaned and fell over into Akaashi’s arms. Akaashi smelled of ink and paper, and the lingering scent of the sachet you dropped long ago.

You rummaged around his sleeves and brought out the embroidered object. Holding it up against the orange glow of the sun, you marveled at the tiny sachet in your hand. Such a small thing, but somehow, it led the two of you together.

“I’m happy, Keiji,” you murmured. “I wonder, is this all just a dream? If I wake up, you’ll be gone.”

“Are you trying to test me on philosophy?”

“Certainly not! But entertain me, dear scholar, what if?”

Akaashi gently poked your forehead. “This scholar assures you we’re in reality.”

“But, what if?”

Akaashi gazed at your face resting comfortably in his embrace and pondered over your question. “Dream or reality…” he whispered, bringing his face just slightly closer to yours. You reached a hand up to guide Akaashi the rest of the way until your lips met.

_Dream or reality, as long as you’re with me, I couldn’t care less about anything else._

“Say, Keiji, why did you suggest that I was a demon or a beast? Did you take me for a fox demoness?”

“Charmed me at first glance. They do say foxes preyed on scholars.”

He couldn’t help the smile that formed when he heard your laughter echo through the pavilion.

After meeting Akaashi, you nearly forgot about the selfish, violent, and corrupt tendencies of some other humans. Lack of proper governance led to the Northern borders being overrun and a number of towns had already been slaughtered while many more had fallen under siege. 

The imperial exam was put on a temporary halt. For the young princes and lords, many of whom were from decorated lineages of ministers and generals, this was their call to action and glory. Akaashi wasn’t left out either. The meeting at the pavilion today was to bid you farewell.

“I’ll be leaving tonight.”

“Do you have to go?”

 _I must._ “I’m sorry.”

Bokuto and Kuroo were appointed captains of the left and right vanguard and as allied families, Akaashi was required to join. He would be under Bokuto’s wing as his right-hand and tactician. Bokuto’s father, the family head, was the supreme commander-in-chief of the Imperial Troops and the Bokuto and Akaashi families had a long history of kinship and trust. When Bokuto called, Akaashi answered, and vice-versa.

“I can’t follow you there…the Northern Pass is too cold for me.”

Your voice trembled and you tightened your arms around his waist, thinking of how many lonely nights would have to pass before seeing him again. Akaashi cupped your face so you would look at him. He gave you a gentle, reassuring smile and kissed you softly. You eagerly kissed back, conveying all your sentiments of longing and pining through your lips and breath.

“I have to go now. There are still meetings and preparations to make before we leave.”

After one final kiss, you two parted. Even with your status as an immortal and him as the son of aristocracy, neither of you could change the circumstances. You wanted to cling on, but you also knew that it would only make parting even more difficult for him. Obligations, duty, and honor weighed over Akaashi’s shoulders. The least you could do was see him off with a smile and let him leave without worries.

“I’ll come back and find you,” Akaashi promised. You saw no deception in his eyes, only the shape of your image reflected back. “No matter how far or how long it takes.”

“Go, don’t worry about me.”

The pavilion remained empty after Akaashi went back to his home and you returned to the heavenly gardens. How long would it be before the two of you could reunite again at this private eden?

Before departure, Akaashi packed the few belongings he would take with him. Clothes, basic amenities, a few military books, and the silk sachet that he cherished. For quite some time, the sachet was no longer tucked within his sleeve, but in another hidden pocket between the folds of his robe over his left breast. He would keep it there under the layers of heavy armor. During the long nights, when the mountains would stare down at the troops gathered at its feet, the reminder of you would keep him warm. Someone was waiting for him to come home. He made a vow.

The initial week apart was excruciating. Time ticked by impossibly slow. The other fairies and immortals witnessed your lethargy and tried numerous attempts to coax you out from your boredom. After countless trials of trying to bring up your spirits to no avail, they simply left you to wallow in your thoughts. While some knew you had a sort-of-relation with a human male, you hadn’t told any of them that you were already bound to said person. 

By the end of the first month and then the second, you gradually became accustomed to ceaseless waiting. Tomorrow was just going to be like yesterday, just like today, waiting again. Waiting and waiting.

“Those flowers are beautiful,” a fairy complimented.

You smiled and placed the floral crown on your head. “I’ll wear it when I see him again.” Akaashi would love it. Maybe you could make him a new sachet to mark the beginning of a new chapter of your union with him.

_Is he doing alright? How about his friends? Are any of them hurt? Is he sleeping well out there in the freezing tents? Does he…think of me the same way I think about him?_

You could only hope that somehow the God of Dreams would carry your sentiments to Akaashi in his slumber. You prayed that your devotion could spur his horse faster and strengthen his armor against flying arrows. _Let it all be over soon, and come back to me._

“Did you hear of the battle at the Northern Pass? I heard that the God of Human Fate got drunk and made it unnecessarily bloody.”

You jumped up and halted the tracks of the immortals passing by the garden.

“What do you mean ‘bloody’?”

“Silly fairy, a lot of human lives will be lost,” they explained. “I wonder if the Underworld will have enough space for them all. I also know the Vault of Human Records is absolutely filled already. Maybe they’ll both need a new expansion.”

Death wasn’t something you normally thought about. In fact, you never had to think about what it meant to die. Immortals didn’t die. When their universal time came, they would Fade, but that wasn’t Death.

Death for the earthly creatures was different and everything was wiped clean in limbo. Memories of existence would be erased, each soul becoming merely an empty shell. A terrifying thought. You wondered why this was their fate. You hadn’t given much thought beyond that, but now, you had someone by your side and in your heart who was not immune to Death.

Eternal separation. 

You threw the crown away and ran. It didn’t matter if you tripped and fell over your feet, or if you bumped into a high ranking immortal. You had one destination in mind and one answer you had to look for. The God of Human Fate wrote the main turning points of each human life on a scroll and those scrolls were locked away in the Vault. None of the guards could stop you.

“Stop! No one is allowed in!”

You kept on running.

“Premonition of the future is dangerous!”

You had to know.

“You will face divine consequences!”

You didn’t care.

Past the heavy gates, the vault was a library archive with scrolls piled far beyond your eyes could see. The shelves stretched on for impossible distances. You wandered and weaved in and out of the maze. There were beyond millions, how were you supposed to find the one you were looking for?

Akaashi Keiji

Akaashi Keiji.

Akaashi Keiji.

Akaashi Keiji.

Akaashi Keiji.

Keiji.

Love.

You weren’t sure how long it took. Time took on new meanings here, but by the time you found what you were looking for, your fingers twitched and trembled. Even though you were immortal, your skin peeled and nails chipped. You found it. Akaashi Keiji, born on the fifth day of the last month to the house of Akaashi.

You unraveled the bamboo strips and scanned the contents. The discovery nearly ripped you apart. You dropped the scroll and darted out of the Vault, making a mindless flight towards the icy cold peaks of the Northern Pass. It wasn’t time yet, maybe you could still make it.

You weren’t sure what you could do. What you would do. What your heart demanded you to do. None of the other immortals you begged along the way were willing to help. Unless the Queen Mother of the West stepped in, no one could rectify what the God of Human Fate had written down on his scrolls. But she wasn’t someone anyone could visit when they pleased and no one knew about her whereabouts most of the time.

All your options were exhausted. If only you had more powers as a higher ranking immortal. At the very least, you couldn’t let him go alone. _Let me see him, even if it’s the last time._

“Keiji! Keiji!” you sobbed into the howling wind. The ice mixed with the storm cut into your arms and cheek.

“KEIJI!“ you pleaded in vain. You were nowhere near the battle site. Nowhere near him and he was gone. His soul must have already been spirited away.

The frost prickled and traveled up your feet, sprouting icicle blooms in your heart and fingertips. _Eat away at me,_ you thought. _I don’t care anymore._ Flowers bloom and wilt. Life forms and fades. And an eternity without Keiji meant nothing at all.

Akaashi Keiji. Died in battle during the _mao_ hour, just before daybreak. Arrow to heart.

A butterfly fluttered through the skies of the Underworld. It left the procession of souls behind its wings, flew past the countless taverns lining the bank of the river, and finally arrived at a pavilion. You stretched out a waiting hand and watched as the butterfly landed in your palm. The butterfly fanned its wings and flew off to its next destination wherever that may be.

 _How long has this butterfly been alone_ , you lamented with an aching heart.

Akaashi watched your exchange with the butterfly. While he recounted the story of the two of you, he had observed how you reacted. Even with a mask on, even with your memories wiped clean, you were still the same dearest person he had been searching for. Your body language and your remarks were all undeniably you.

"That fairy was so consumed by her grief, she pleaded for the Tea of Eternal Amnesia. One sip apparently wasn’t enough for an immortal. She finished the entire brew until the last drop. Then, she forgot all pain, all sorrow. She spoke of no joy or boredom. No past, no future, only an infinite amount of present. It was her trial to ascend to the status of a goddess. She became one of the gatekeepers as the Goddess of Forgetfulness.”

You felt the cracks of the barricade finally give way to a flood of sensations rushing in. There was the shyness of the chance-encounter, the exhilaration of the subsequent meetings, passion from long nights, the desperation, and then the endless despair. Everything expanded and converged into a single point, a single person.

With a cry, you slipped the painted mask off your face and Akaashi finally saw the one he waited half a millennium for. He smiled and wiped away the trail of tears that welled and spilled over your eyes.

Akaashi whispered the most cherished syllables he carried within his heart—the name he would remember before his own. That was the last and only thing on his mind when the arrow had pierced through armor and flesh. The fear of forgetting your name in death had only etched the precious syllables deeper into his heart. That was his tether as he drifted for half a millennium.

“Remember us. Remember me.”

“I remember…I remember. Keiji,” you sobbed, repeating his name over and over again. “That fairy, and goddess…”

Akaashi smiled. “Dearest.”

“I’m sorry,” you cried with your face buried in the fabrics of your robes. “I didn’t wait. I didn’t wait, I couldn’t bear it.”

Akaashi pulled you into a familiar embrace and held you tightly. How he had missed the weight of you on his chest and in his arms. “Shh,” he coaxed, gently rocking you and patting your back. “It wasn’t your fault. We’re together again. It mustn’t have been easy for you, being here alone.”

You broke away. “But Keiji, I forgot everything. Your name, my name, and us. I lived here free of worries, while you faced five hundred years alone.”

“Only five hundred. Still less than what you have lived before me, no?” Akaashi reasoned. “It wasn’t quite so bad. I have a lot of stories to tell you and all the time we could possibly ask for.”

Akaashi waited for your sobs to subside into occasional sniffles. Each time fresh tears welled up, he would only smile gently, press a light kiss on your temple, and dab away each tear.

“How? How was this possible?” you asked in disbelief. “I thought…the vault, I…”

“I thought so too, but the Queen Mother of the West appeared before me and gave me a chance.”

You sat up, alarmed that Akaashi would mention one of the highest ranking immortals in the hierarchy. She was a powerful, but esoteric goddess who rarely granted any audience let alone bother with anything else.

“If I could spend five hundred years observing the earthly realm and wake your memories at the end, then we could reunite.” _Or I could ignore it altogether and choose the path of reincarnation._ It wasn’t a decision he had to ponder over. He made a vow, and that vow became his strength as time passed.

“The earthly realm? But that means you would have had to watch…”

Akaashi gave a rueful smile. “Bokuto and Kuroo lived long and well. They returned triumphant and safe.” 

It had been difficult to watch through the lens of a butterfly, unable to console the grief of his family and friends. His family sat in his room for hours on end in complete silence. They would clean the dust that collected on his books and shelves, but everything was left the way he had left them. Bokuto shut himself in his room for weeks before finally exiting for the first time. Kuroo dove into the books and forced himself into normalcy before ultimately granting himself space to finally grieve.

Akaashi had felt powerless at that time. There was immense guilt for bringing sorrow upon his loved ones and shame for dishonoring his vow. However with time, those loved ones gradually moved on, no longer chained by their grief.

Akaashi watched them laugh and cry, watched them age and grey. He quietly observed the same process for the next generation, and the next generation thereafter. Their stories transcended a sense of beauty that he could only appreciate by being a spectator. 

“Bokuto became the new Commander-In-Chief after his father,” Akaashi said. “The Bokuto I knew growing up would have hated all that responsibility, but he changed and grew into a remarkable hero. He lived a long, good life.”

“And Kuroo?”

“Kuroo got second place at the imperial exams, right after the famous rural scholar, Kita. After many years, Kuroo was eventually appointed as the Minister of Finances. When the Great Flood broke out, he did an excellent job making sure funds were sent out and received properly.”

Both of his dearest friends led fulfilling and complete lives. There wasn’t anything more that Akaashi could’ve hoped for. If there was one thing he missed, it would have been the walk down the main street on the way to the academy. Those were bygone, carefree times. All Akaashi could do was preserve the memories that were shared.

“Is it over now? Can we finally be together?”

“Yes.” Akaashi stood up and helped you up to your feet. A procession of fairies and a large owl had appeared outside the pavilion, signaling the end of this trial.

A few fairies came up to you and bowed. “Greetings to the Goddess of Forgetfulness and newly appointed God of Memory. The Court of the Nine Heavens awaits you. Please follow us to greet the other guardians of the Four Seas and Eight Realms.”

The magnificent owl, a mythological beast of wisdom, lowered its wings for the two of you to climb onto its back. After the two of you were situated, the owl took flight. The procession of fairies followed right after.

The River continued its regretful course. Desperate souls continued their wait by the shore. The Tea of Eternal Amnesia continued to be drunk by the souls before reincarnation. But you would no longer remain here. You watched as the pavilion you had spent centuries in become smaller and smaller until everything disappeared beneath the colored clouds.

Until the ends of time and the universe, the Goddess of Forgetfulness and God of Memory would be together guarding the feelings and thoughts of earthly beings. Their stories, told and retold across generations, would be known as a tale of patience and promise transcending fate.

**Author's Note:**

> I also drew a fanart for this fanfic, you can see Chinese myth-Akaashi over [here](https://haikyooot.tumblr.com/post/645431803183759360/the-butterfly-and-the-flower-%E8%9D%B6%E6%88%80%E8%8A%B1-chinese). 
> 
> Here are a few wiki links for a few (not all) of the cultural/mythological allusions in the fic:  
> [Mengpo (Goddess of Forgetfulness)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meng_Po)  
> [Xian (Taoism Concept)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xian_\(Taoism\)) \- loosely translated to 'immortal', but it's not quite the same  
> [Diyu (Hell & Underworld)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diyu)  
> [Imperial Examination](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_examination)  
> [Lantern Festival ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lantern_Festival)\- contrary contemporary commercialization touting Qixi/Tanabata as Valentine's day, Lantern Festival was the "real" love-festival back in the days...whatever sigh.  
> [Zhuangzi ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuang_Zhou)/ [Butterfly Dream ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuangzi_\(book\)#%22The_Butterfly_Dream%22)


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